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Know Your Worth #TheGetMoreShow

This blog entry is also a Podcast on #TheGetMoreShow! If you’d prefer to listen to the audio version, click to listen below.

#RealTalk. I could begin this by telling you the textbook definition of self-worth, but instead, let’s talk about what self worth isn’t. Your self-worth is NOT determined by:

  • how much money you have in your bank account
  • how tiny your waistline is
  • how big your bicep is
  • how defined your abs are
  • how long or short you hair is
  • how white your teeth are
  • how many supplements you take
  • the food you eat
  • the brand of clothing you wear
  • how many friends you have
  • how many followers you have on instagram
  • how many push ups you can do

There isn’t one area of your life that will improve if things aren’t right with you. Truth is, people accept shitty jobs and relationships because they do not respect themselves enough to realize they deserve better. Too many people become complacent in these aspects and stop striving for greater things.

We MUST, I repeat — MUST reinforce our positive qualities and actively try to fix your negative qualities. When everything else in the world fails you, you will always have YOU — yourself to fall back on. How you feel about yourself affects every single aspect of your life. Trust me, I speak from experience when I say that this does not come easy. Following these types of behaviors require a conscious effort on a day-to-day basis and just to keep it real with you lack of self-respect or self-worth can, and most often does, result in depression and self-destructive behaviors.

Needless to say, studies reveal that basing our self-worth on external factors is actually incredibly harmful to our mental health.

A recent study at the University of Michigan found that college students who base their self-worth on external sources (including academic performance, appearance and approval from others) reported higher rates of stress, anger, academic problems and relationship conflicts. It  also had higher levels of alcohol and drug use, as well as more symptoms of eating disorders. Although real accomplishments are important to acknowledge as you build your sense of self, your self-worth should also take in to account the unique qualities that make you YOU!

The same study found that students who based their self-worth on internal sources, not only felt better, they also received higher grades and were less likely to use drugs and alcohol or to develop eating disorders.

When we search for self-worth by constantly comparing ourselves to others, we’re continually fighting a losing battle. You see, our competitive culture tells us we need to be special and above average to feel good about ourselves, but we can’t all be above average at the same time, all day, every day — it’s just not sustainable.

There will always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are. And even when we do manage to feel self-esteem for one golden moment, we can’t hold on to it forever. Our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling with our latest success or failure.

Now, let’s talk a few strategies to help you understand your self-worth.

One of the best ways to fight back from our inner critic is by adding meaning to your life! Choose to take part in activities that you feel are important. Helping others, for example, offers a huge boost to your sense of self-worth. Generosity is good for you, both physically and mentally, and studies now show that volunteering has a very positive affect on how people feel about themselves.

What else we know that directly contributes to our self-worth (or lack thereof) is our circle of friends. Jim Rohn, a well known businessman and personal development guru, said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, and that means everyone in your life counts. And we’re not just talking friendships here, either: partners in romantic relationships count, too.

When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced — whether we like it or not — by those closest to us and to those we give our time to. It affects our way of thinking, our self-worth, our actions and our decisions. Of course, everyone is their own person, but research has shown that we’re more affected by our environment than we think.

How does a muscle grow? By being placed under stress. How do you learn new information? By putting your knowledge to the test.

If you’re surrounding yourself with people who never ask you tough, thought-provoking questions, you’ll never be living up to your full potential to conceptualize those answers.

Look, I’m not saying every conversation has to be about politics or existentialism, but if you only hang with you current besties because it’s convenient while catching up on the latest scoop on Real Housewives of Atlanta, it might be time to consider whether you’re getting enough intellectual stimulation out of those types of interactions.

Here’s another way of thinking of it. Have you ever gotten a compliment from someone you really admire? Although it may sounds shallow, the truth is that the opinion of someone you admire is worth more to you than someone you do not.

Scheduling a lunch, coffee or other form of FaceTime with someone you respect is all you need to begin the cycle of mutual admiration. Friends who you look up to — for their successes, their ability to forgive or be kind, for their quick wit — are always going to make you a better version of yourself, oh and side note — you’ll also be a lot happier too and that’s the point! Hanging with someone you want to be like will make you more like them, and you’re going to start realizing value in yourself where you may not have seen it before once you get more of those kinds of people in your circle.

Speaking of circle, let’s dive in deeper. What’s your circle like these days? What are their habits like? Are you hanging with a crowd that never works out, eats like crap and doesn’t value a good ol’ fashioned weekend off from drinking? If that’s the case, kiss your 8-minute mile and summer bod aspirations goodbye until further notice.

Make time to go to yoga with that friend who’s addicted to group fitness, or agree to a sleep competition with someone who’s also getting fewer than six hours each night.

The possibilities are endless, but the point remains the same: Your health habits are going to be affected by your friend choices purely by merit of your proximity to salads, hiking paths and handles of copper mugs.

It’s us and only us that is responsible for our fate. Life is no fun if you spend it hating yourself and trust – this stops any progress from happening BUT… once your confidence is up, you will stop making the terrible mistake of comparing yourself to others because you’ll already be comfortable and happy with who you are.

When you love yourself, you take pride in who you and what you have to offer to the universe. Too many people place the needs of others before their own, but in order to respect others, you need to meet your own needs first. Be honest with yourself and get ready to become the person you were always meant to be. When you’re surrounded by the right group of people and in a good place within yourself, you have much to give back to them in return and you’ll end up being a healthier, more confident, more inspiring, more beautiful soul. I love you guys and thank you for being here! xoxo. If you listened to my podcast, I’d love it if you subscribed and left a review in iTunes to let me know! ❤️

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